How you unknowingly sabotage your own growth and development

This could well be the most impactful and hopeful quote you’ve read in a long, long time: ‘The most important type of spiritual growth doesn’t happen when you’re meditating or on your yoga mat. It happens in the midst of conflict—when you are frustrated, angry, or scared, doing the same old thing, but then, suddenly, you realize that you have a choice to do it differently.’

Every day I speak to so many women who are waiting and hoping for growth and change. Who draw spiritual cards, affirm all day long, keep track of Mercury retrograde and have the latest self-help books on their bedside tables. To become happier, stronger, wiser, more relaxed and more loving. Not aware that they unknowingly sabotage their growth and change massively!

sabotage your growth

I also enjoy drawing cards, trust the power of the universe and love to be inspired by books, courses and challenges. But I also know that this is not enough for real change in your life. As insights are not enough. And that just hoping for better times isn’t going to bring you that transformation you crave so much. Instead what you will get are often quick fixes or strategies for dealing with your issues. But this does not mean that your deeper blockages are gone. You just sweep them conveniently under the carpet.

Did you know that your unconscious mind is determining about 95% of what you feel and do?

And this unconscious always moves away from pain and towards pleasure (or less pain) and likes to keep you safe by an inbuilt safety system. This safety system job is not to make you happy, successful or fulfilled, it’s only job is to keep you safe. Your safety system has learned that the situation you’re in is safe, as you are still alive.

Changing or transforming your situation, or your thoughts or feelings is seen as unsafe and therefore this safety system will do its utmost to prevent you from taking new meaningful steps in life. So you have this inner saboteur who is pretty ok with just superficial, temporary change that is not profound and long-term. But it will try to disrupt real, sustainable core transformation.

How? By your ‘yes, but…’ thoughts and your procrastination that follows. Thoughts like: I don’t have time, it’s too expensive, the stars aren’t aligned, others might think that…, I’m not feeling well/too tired/too busy/too…… you just fill in the blanks.

How many times have you started something but never really finished it?

Do you procrastinate, or do you find excuses? This is your inbuilt safety system in action.

To bypass your safety system, to stop procrastinating and to truly shift your situation, feelings and thoughts permanently, your 100% commitment is required. 99% is not enough. Full commitment consists of 3 ingredients though: a solid decisiona painful investment and a heap of motivation.

Saying that you want things to be different is easy, but to actually doing it differently is something else. After all, this means becoming aware of your safety system sabotaging you, and it needs to go against your ‘yes but’s…’ with a commitment that is bigger and stronger than your saboteur. This can only be done by a solid decision, a painful investment and a heap of motivation.

A decision is only a real, solid decision if there is no Plan B and if you take your own responsibility. This means that you stop waiting and hoping, and thus not shift the responsibility to the universe, the cards or self-help books. There is no ‘trying’, ‘hoping’, and ‘we’ll see what will happen to this. No, you either do it or you don’t. It’s all or nothing.

How do you know you’re not dealing with a half-hearted decision, but with a real, solid one? A solid decision feels frickin’ scary. These solid decisions immediately ignite a lot of the ‘yes, but’s…’, and they make you feel restless and at the same time somewhere deep-down they also feel good.


Your unconscious mind must know that this is not yet another half-hearted attempt, but that you are now going for the real deal. You do this by paying for that transformation in money, time and energy. After all, the one who pays attention. And the more ‘pain’ your investment causes, the greater your commitment. We all know that if you get something thrown into your lap for free, you unconsciously value it less than if you have invested heavily in it in some way.

To be able to make the decision that you really want things differently from now on, and to invest heavily in this, you need a heap of motivation. This means that the gain you will get from the change must be greater than the gain you get from (the safety of) the old familiar patterns.

Perhaps your first reaction to this is ‘of course I want to get out of that depression’ and ‘duh, I don’t want to feel burned out at all. But if it means that you get love and attention from those around you because of that depression and that burnout ensures that you no longer have to go to that stupid boring job, do you really want to get rid of it?

I must confess that when my clients are being sabotaged by their safety systems, I sometimes play my secret trump card that provides such a big wave of motivation, that they can hardly help but to go all in. I ask her what it’s like for her children as they keep on being confronted with the snapping and screaming of their frustrated, overtired mother. That she has to break through her blocks for the sake of her children because she is their role model. As nothing is more motivating for a mom than the well-being of her children.

Be honest, how committed are you to real, deep, meaningful and lasting transformation? To really get rid of your frustrations, anger, overwhelm and fears? Have you meditated long enough? Have you waited long enough for the universe? And do you have enough self-help books on your bedside table?

Then it’s your turn now! True transformation starts with a decision.

Make the decision now to book a Zoom call and talk with me in a personal -no strings attached- Game Plan call. We will map the gap between where you are right now and where you want to be, and create a Game Plan with assured results. Schedule your complimentary meeting by clicking this link:

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